Lost

The heart beats on as the tears fall down A lonely shadow on the ground A step toward the sun, fall into the moon A love gone way to soon Twisted lies and shattered hearts A mistake that caused us to part Lost in the middle caught in a draft Shards of my heart left in the aftermath A quick get away a new life already started The soul not cold for a dearly departed Cherished and adored so quick to fade away A heart not meant to capture ready not ready to stay Lost in the past no looking back A love I tried to give, one I let slack Lost in the heart buried in the tears My nightmares come true, all the fears

Road Ahead

I walk a lonesome path, if anybody was to follow. I live a lonesome life, if anybody was to look. I'm a lonesome person, if anybody wanted to know. I have love in my heart that I allow. When the words were softly spoken, my world shook. What you see isn't always what it is, to you it may not always show. The followers, the lookers, the nosey people around. They would all be wrong as I sit with this smile on my face. Yes, beneath me one pair of footprints on the ground. I'm never really alone in any place. My thoughts are always shared, my love always given back. My heart full of song, my mind is at ease. I don't need you to give me your slack. My baby loves me and for you that is just a tease. Let them follow, let them look, let them pry inside of me. When their mouth drops open and their mind starts turning. It will be only then that I really let them see. For lonesome I am not, there is a future I am yearning. I am never alone, I have love inside. I am never alone, I have a hand to hold. Side by side and hand in hand. We walk a path unknown to you but with heads held up with all our pride. Together to the future, so bright, so full of hope and oh so bold. Don't give me your pitty or try to advise. Trust, that when I speak of this in my life. There are no moments when you hear sad cries. For I am taken, I am SOMEbody's wife. The road ahead unknown and unpaved. The road behind full of bumps and turns. Our love is strong it shall never fade. Walk your own path, and may your too learn.

What being loved is really about.

When you do, then you shall see.

What this life of love means to me.

Wishing

As I look at the majestic sky As tears fall from my eyes I know you and I were meant to be I only wish I could make you see How much your love means to me I wish I could walk up to you And whisper the words that lovers do But now I sit here sad and blue Wishing I could be with you.

Inspiration

When I need inspiration I look into your eyes So full of love and adoration Every day a new surprise Your gentle ways and caring touch Melt my heart to the core Hoping you feel my love as much Each touch leaving me wanting more The soft sensual of your voice Rings deep inside my mind Leaving you is not a choice Moving a head and not behind You are my inspiration My light in the darkest of times Full of love and admiration Easing my heart and my mind

Gut Reactions?

There are times in your life when you are overcome by emotions that you just react instead of thinking. Sometimes that is good, like when you get the overwhelming desire to kiss your lover and before you know it you have them in your arms in a passionate embrace kissing deeply. Other times, your reaction could hurt not only your partner but yourself. I know this, I felt this. I've been through so much with my partner, so many ups and down and trivial things happened and through it all, my faith and my love never wavered never faultered. Everything we have been through always made us stronger together. Yet every now and then I let my emotions run before I can catch up to them and pull them back into order. Out of my mouth flies the first that pops into my head and heart and it isn't pretty. My first instinct when something really seems to hurt me deep inside, is to run. I've learned not to run as a first option, I've not wanted to run in a long time. Now if only I could get my mouth to stay shut when something hurts deep down, I might be able to stop their hurt from happening. I am not so much worried about my own hurt, I am pretty good at keeping it inside and not letting it ruin the moment or day, most times.. other times, well.. it isn't pretty. I usually end up questioning myself and doubting myself more than ever. Sometimes saying sorry doesnt seem like enough, its those moments when I wonder how I can fix their heart make them better make them see, I love them and need them and can't live with out them. One day..

I dont even know where to start, first let me say the one who holds my heart means more to me that anything else, not only does she hold my hand and tell me all the wonderful things any woman would love to hear but I have to question my own thoughts and feelings because tonight i sat and I cried and cried and hurt and hurt and nothing that I could do could stop the pain i felt swelling up in m chest, actions speak louder than words and the smallest action echos through the valleys and hills and resonates in my head.. what would it be like if I were you and you were me and I was doing what you do how would you feel? would you question where my love laid and why i had to do the things I do if I always said you were enough? I've given everything I possibly can considering the circumstances, I have always let you be, what would yu do if you were me? So much has happened tonight so many bricks have been crushed in my wall, all in all... at the end of the day I am alone and your actions always speak louder than your words, no matter what I do will I ever EVER be enough or will yu always find a reason to be another, you always need to be somebody, when are you going to be just mine? That is all I ever want, to be just mine, but as life goes on and days pass by, I lose hope that I will ever be enough for anybody, even you no matter what you say, actions speak louder than words, they always have, they always will, even as my heart breaks in a million pieces and yu pick them up and put them back together, each little lie, each little touch to somebody else, everything you do, makes me feel like the biggest fool. I loved you then, I love you now. I will Love you all our tomorrows, I just want to know, what would you do if you were me and I were you doing what YOU do... Actions even the smallest action speaks louder than any word

What do you do?

What do you do when you feel your world slipping away? Your heart feels shattered and your soul is no longer your own? Who do you run to, who do you talk to? Do you pray it all gets better and easier? Do you return to a past and tell them what a mistake it was to let them go, do you tell them what happened and ask to have them back in your life? What do you do, where do you go? Whose holding you when you have nothing left to hold on to?

I..wish, want, dream List

Normally I never state what it is I want or would like to have. I normally make sure that the kids get all they want. This year, I have decided to make a dream list for a few reasons. 1. Lost weight, need sexier clothes (yay me!) 2. It is time that I do for myself as well as for my children 3. It is my year So that being said.. this blog will be filled with things I want, not necessarily need, just want. If I can I will attach photos of things. First off since I lost 35 lbs I want new clothes and yes, I have found some to start me off with the sexy feelings I am aiming for. They are froma store called Torrid, it deals in clothes for the bigger women in life. I may have lost 35 lbs but I am far from the super model type as far as body goes. this is an halter/belt New Addition to list::: Not sure what it is lately but I am loving these types of dresses!

again, who wouldnt feel sexy? I like these tops That is all on the clothing front.. for now :-)

I really want to move into a new state, anywhere but Ohio! Warmer would be nice. Any ideas?

Because I love cooking and my knives are pretty flimsy.. i want the Ronco knive set https://www.ronco.com/knives/Default.aspx?source=google-knives Because I love to read I want my bookshelf to have the following books: Dan Brown ~ Lost Symbol P. C. Cast ~ Tempted; Hunted; Untamed; Chosen; Betrayed and Marked Kelley Armstrong ~ Frostbitten; Summoning; Living with the dead; No Humans Involved; Haunted; Industrial Magic and Dime Store Magic This desk is very practical for me. I like being orgainized and at 100 bucks it isnt a bad price either. A nice soft comfortable rocking chair. As my list grows and my wants come to me I will add more or take away as I get them. Let's see how much I can accomplish :-)

Missing You

Missing you

My heart aches within from missing you My lips long for the feel of kissing you Right now all I need is to gently touch your skin To look into yoru eyes from deep within Just one warm embrace Just to look upon your face From the one I love so much If I could gaze upon your smile For even jsut a little while To know that you miss me too As I am laying here, crying for you To hear the sound of your breath Knowing you didnt really leave To see you walk up to me Then embrace you tenderly To just be with the one who has sent my heart reeling And brought about this down pour of emotions and feeling I've told you many thoughts that weren't borrowed or bought And in a lifetime, who would have thought That I have found someone was meant just for me I can't explain the magic or why this should be But there is something I know for certain That this just ain't over till the down falls the final curtain For I've seen angel and I want you to know It's my choice to make, I'll never let you go. Don't know what life holds, maybe there is no reason or rhyme To think you may be mine all of the time And though I can't touch yiou and now we are apart My love, you will forever dwell so deep with my soul and heart.

Wishing

Hours feel like days, the memories fill my mind. My heart laying before me in a million pieces as my tears fall down upon the papers that I started writing on. All the words are blurred all the i's dotted with tears. I miss my love myheart my all and I can only sit and wonder why I lost the one I truly belong to. What have I done, where do I go? A love so strong and pure and true and real is gone. I have once again failed at being the one. I hold true to dreams that one day she will return to me. Tell me she loves me that I am hers and she is mine. I sit and think about all the plans we made for when it is our time and I cry, I sit and think about all we have gone through and I cry, I can't stop, I have tried. Her love is forever embedded on my soul. I feel her, I breathe her, I love her. Wishing As I look out at the majestic sky As tears fall from eyes I know you and I were meant to be I only wish I could make you see How much your love means to me I wish I could walk up to you And speak the words lovers do But now I sit here sad and blue Wishing that I could be with you

Heart Soul Body Mind

I give to you my heart I give it to you freely For this is only a start In return for the love you gave me I give to you soul I give it with out demand For you mended me two fold And kept ahold of my hand I give to you my body Oh how your touch melts me Never feeling shoddy Pleasures roll over me like waves in the sea I give to you mind You opened it like a book Your love I'll never confine To think, it started with one look

My dearest love

Sometimes I cry when I am happy I laugh when I am scared I'm quiet when I am at peace or go crazy when nothing is wrong Sometimes I am extra sappy I come forward with emotions bared I sigh with a happy release Knowing all was right all along I know I drive you crazy At times you want to scream I'm as gentle as can be Loving you as you love me Never let my love seem hazey You are my perfect dream Just say you will forever love me Knowing this will pass, you'll see I have my moments when things Overwhelm and consume my mind Sometimes only I can understand Sometimes only I can make it stop I can never be a puppet on strings Or walk around being blind even as the waves hit the sand Forever know my love for you i'll never swap Just bare with me and believe in me Knowing the moments never mean my love for you has changed or faded It's a lot stronger today than the day before Smile at me and hold my hand, you'll see this feeling won't last long and all will be supreme I never want you to feel lost or jaded I will forever love you each day more and more. I am your baby girl you are my papa bear we stay side by side hand in hand Facing the world this love isnt to share Yes I know I have my stubborn pride But I will never stop loving my husband. Baby, forgive my foolish self. I know I drive you crazy and for the first time since forever, you admitted that I fustrate the hell out of you and when you said it out loud... I had to stop and not say anything because, I thought "oh god, It's gone to far" and it scared me to think what that meant so I didnt try to think on it. I know I have really high emotions as it is and sometimes they are a lot higher. Sometimes when I say I am okay, and I may not really be but I know in my heart it is only my emotions getting the better of me and I dont need for you to feel bad or get upset over it, and i know i just need a few minutes and maybe a little holding and cuddling to get over it. I love you and I never want you to feel bad for having a life or being busy or or or... we dont do that, we never have. Just need for you to trust me when I say I am okay because if it was something really upsetting me we would talk, but if it is just my hormones then I dont want to worry you over it. I am so very sorry love. I dont want you to feel like you hve to walk on eggshells with me. It really isn't like that. I love you baby, my sweet sweet papa bear. Sleep well knowing I am holding you all night close to me feeling your love and your kisses on my skin. I am now and forever, your baby girl loving you loving me FAAD NMW yours xoxo

Starting Over: Serious...Domestic Violence

Starting Over: Serious...Domestic Violence

You're My Best Friend Lyrics ~ Tim McGraw

For you baby, all for you. (Even thought it is not something I wrote, I changed it for you love)

I never had anyone I could count on Ive been let down so many times I was tired of hurtin So tired of searchin til you walked into my life It was a feelin Id never known And for the first time I didnt feel alone Youre more than a lover There could never be another To make me feel the way you do Oh we just get closer I fall in love all over Everytime I look at you I dont know where Id be Without you here with me Life with you makes perfect sense You're my best friend my best friend, oh yeah You stand by me And you believe in me Like nobody ever has When my world goes crazy You're right there to save me You make me see how much I have And I still tremble When we touch And oh the look in your eyes When we make love You're more than a lover There could never be another To make me feel the way you do Oh we just get closer I fall in love all over Everytime I look at you And I dont know where Id be Without you here with me Life with you makes perfect sense You're my best friend You're my best friend You're more than a lover There could never be another To make me feel the way you do Oh we just get closerI fall in love all over Everytime I look at you And I dont know where Id be Without you here with me Life with you makes perfect sense You're my best friend You're my best friend (my best friend) You're my best friend (my best friend)

Overcome...

by fear, every now and then, I feel it start in the pit of my stomach by fear, as it slowly moves upward, I lose a breath here and there by fear, as my heart begins to slow its beating, as if being strangled by fear, of words that just come out wrong or at the wrong time and my sensitive self goes right into fear of unknown. by love, your touch begins to sooth the trembling in my stomach by love, your touch begins to calm me and I can breathe again by love, your touch begins to soothe my soul and my heart beats steady once more by love, of words you speak to me in such a way that all my scares and fears melt away by love, your love, the love that has cared and cherished me this past year by love, your love, you always seem to know when to rub my heart a little more. There is no denying that what we have we never expected. What do we do? Where do we go? How can we make this easy, can it be easy? How can I live a day with out hearing from you. I am so spoiled. I've spent one night too many away from you, it scares me to think I have to again. I am sorry I am not that strong, I am sorry I didnt run from this. Instead I held on and I embraced it, your love, our life.. and what a wonderful joyous life we have with so much love and respect for each other. I love you, FAAD darlin, never wavering, never straying, only growing stronger and deeper for nobody but YOU. Yours xoxo

A promise and A Kiss

When I close my eyes at night Softly whispering into the air Even though you are out of my sight Take a breath and know I am there There is no distance to far for me My love is strong and true No ocean to wide and neither the sea Can keep me from loving you My heart is yours I promise this My love will never fade or end My promise to you sealed with a kiss For not only my lover but my best friend My darlin heart, There are many time when through out my day you are on my mind and in my thoughts. As I walk down the street or do my shopping, I always wonder how we would be together in public. I dream of you holding my hand and kissing me every chance you get. I think about laying with you at night and being the last thing I see, then to wake in the morning and see your gorgeous face. I dream of the day when it will never end, when I am with you and never have to leave. We have a great love story building, one for the books to be sure. I've never loved so hard and strong as I love you my darling. You are not only my lover, my husband my companion, but my best friend, my other. You are the half that makes me whole the one I belong to, I can not fathom not having you some how or some way in my life every day. Please I ask this of you now, stay mine, stay forever, keep me always and know that my love for you will always be, for you only. Love your baby girl your devoted wife Me

You The one I love With all I am I am all yours Never have I ever thought I could love somebody so much as I love you. All I wish to do is make you happy. To try and be all you need. To be enough for you, to be able to satisfy your needs. I know our time is not now, but it will be and I hold on to that, close to my heart. I love you, wth every fiber of my being, I am in love with you. So very much in love wiht you.

You....

are the reason I smile. Turn the lights down low, turn the music on and lets sway slowly together as the moon cascades across the night sky and our shadows move rhythmically together with us. Our love surrounds our space as we entwine our bodies together, dancing, loving and being...Us..it always comes back to what matters most. Us.

Love Notes

I love you. You are the air I breathe, the tears I shed, the love I feel and the love I give. You are everything I need and want. My heart, mind body and soul are yours. Through all our life, no matter the situation, I love you and I always will. I am now and forever, your baby girl xoxo

Dear Timmy

Dear Timmy, Today is July 13, 2009. I got the phone call last night telling me you are gone. I miss you. You were like an older brother to me. You and I had talked numerous times about everything, life love death.. and now you are gone. You promised me you would be alright that you would call me and we were suppose to have coffee today. We should be sitting at star bucks right now drinking coffee and talking. When you smiled you lit up the whole room. Your laugh was contagious and your heart enormous.. and yourgift has been taken away from those who loved you very much. I will miss you my dear friend, and I know where ever you are you are with out pain and you are watching over me like you always did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRyKg5xMaXA ~ Go rest high on that Mountain http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb2NW3QfonI ~ it's so hard to say good bye Love always, Your friend Me