Wishing

As I look at the majestic sky As tears fall from my eyes I know you and I were meant to be I only wish I could make you see How much your love means to me I wish I could walk up to you And whisper the words that lovers do But now I sit here sad and blue Wishing I could be with you.

Inspiration

When I need inspiration I look into your eyes So full of love and adoration Every day a new surprise Your gentle ways and caring touch Melt my heart to the core Hoping you feel my love as much Each touch leaving me wanting more The soft sensual of your voice Rings deep inside my mind Leaving you is not a choice Moving a head and not behind You are my inspiration My light in the darkest of times Full of love and admiration Easing my heart and my mind

Gut Reactions?

There are times in your life when you are overcome by emotions that you just react instead of thinking. Sometimes that is good, like when you get the overwhelming desire to kiss your lover and before you know it you have them in your arms in a passionate embrace kissing deeply. Other times, your reaction could hurt not only your partner but yourself. I know this, I felt this. I've been through so much with my partner, so many ups and down and trivial things happened and through it all, my faith and my love never wavered never faultered. Everything we have been through always made us stronger together. Yet every now and then I let my emotions run before I can catch up to them and pull them back into order. Out of my mouth flies the first that pops into my head and heart and it isn't pretty. My first instinct when something really seems to hurt me deep inside, is to run. I've learned not to run as a first option, I've not wanted to run in a long time. Now if only I could get my mouth to stay shut when something hurts deep down, I might be able to stop their hurt from happening. I am not so much worried about my own hurt, I am pretty good at keeping it inside and not letting it ruin the moment or day, most times.. other times, well.. it isn't pretty. I usually end up questioning myself and doubting myself more than ever. Sometimes saying sorry doesnt seem like enough, its those moments when I wonder how I can fix their heart make them better make them see, I love them and need them and can't live with out them. One day..

I dont even know where to start, first let me say the one who holds my heart means more to me that anything else, not only does she hold my hand and tell me all the wonderful things any woman would love to hear but I have to question my own thoughts and feelings because tonight i sat and I cried and cried and hurt and hurt and nothing that I could do could stop the pain i felt swelling up in m chest, actions speak louder than words and the smallest action echos through the valleys and hills and resonates in my head.. what would it be like if I were you and you were me and I was doing what you do how would you feel? would you question where my love laid and why i had to do the things I do if I always said you were enough? I've given everything I possibly can considering the circumstances, I have always let you be, what would yu do if you were me? So much has happened tonight so many bricks have been crushed in my wall, all in all... at the end of the day I am alone and your actions always speak louder than your words, no matter what I do will I ever EVER be enough or will yu always find a reason to be another, you always need to be somebody, when are you going to be just mine? That is all I ever want, to be just mine, but as life goes on and days pass by, I lose hope that I will ever be enough for anybody, even you no matter what you say, actions speak louder than words, they always have, they always will, even as my heart breaks in a million pieces and yu pick them up and put them back together, each little lie, each little touch to somebody else, everything you do, makes me feel like the biggest fool. I loved you then, I love you now. I will Love you all our tomorrows, I just want to know, what would you do if you were me and I were you doing what YOU do... Actions even the smallest action speaks louder than any word

What do you do?

What do you do when you feel your world slipping away? Your heart feels shattered and your soul is no longer your own? Who do you run to, who do you talk to? Do you pray it all gets better and easier? Do you return to a past and tell them what a mistake it was to let them go, do you tell them what happened and ask to have them back in your life? What do you do, where do you go? Whose holding you when you have nothing left to hold on to?

I..wish, want, dream List

Normally I never state what it is I want or would like to have. I normally make sure that the kids get all they want. This year, I have decided to make a dream list for a few reasons. 1. Lost weight, need sexier clothes (yay me!) 2. It is time that I do for myself as well as for my children 3. It is my year So that being said.. this blog will be filled with things I want, not necessarily need, just want. If I can I will attach photos of things. First off since I lost 35 lbs I want new clothes and yes, I have found some to start me off with the sexy feelings I am aiming for. They are froma store called Torrid, it deals in clothes for the bigger women in life. I may have lost 35 lbs but I am far from the super model type as far as body goes. this is an halter/belt New Addition to list::: Not sure what it is lately but I am loving these types of dresses!

again, who wouldnt feel sexy? I like these tops That is all on the clothing front.. for now :-)

I really want to move into a new state, anywhere but Ohio! Warmer would be nice. Any ideas?

Because I love cooking and my knives are pretty flimsy.. i want the Ronco knive set https://www.ronco.com/knives/Default.aspx?source=google-knives Because I love to read I want my bookshelf to have the following books: Dan Brown ~ Lost Symbol P. C. Cast ~ Tempted; Hunted; Untamed; Chosen; Betrayed and Marked Kelley Armstrong ~ Frostbitten; Summoning; Living with the dead; No Humans Involved; Haunted; Industrial Magic and Dime Store Magic This desk is very practical for me. I like being orgainized and at 100 bucks it isnt a bad price either. A nice soft comfortable rocking chair. As my list grows and my wants come to me I will add more or take away as I get them. Let's see how much I can accomplish :-)

Missing You

Missing you

My heart aches within from missing you My lips long for the feel of kissing you Right now all I need is to gently touch your skin To look into yoru eyes from deep within Just one warm embrace Just to look upon your face From the one I love so much If I could gaze upon your smile For even jsut a little while To know that you miss me too As I am laying here, crying for you To hear the sound of your breath Knowing you didnt really leave To see you walk up to me Then embrace you tenderly To just be with the one who has sent my heart reeling And brought about this down pour of emotions and feeling I've told you many thoughts that weren't borrowed or bought And in a lifetime, who would have thought That I have found someone was meant just for me I can't explain the magic or why this should be But there is something I know for certain That this just ain't over till the down falls the final curtain For I've seen angel and I want you to know It's my choice to make, I'll never let you go. Don't know what life holds, maybe there is no reason or rhyme To think you may be mine all of the time And though I can't touch yiou and now we are apart My love, you will forever dwell so deep with my soul and heart.

Wishing

Hours feel like days, the memories fill my mind. My heart laying before me in a million pieces as my tears fall down upon the papers that I started writing on. All the words are blurred all the i's dotted with tears. I miss my love myheart my all and I can only sit and wonder why I lost the one I truly belong to. What have I done, where do I go? A love so strong and pure and true and real is gone. I have once again failed at being the one. I hold true to dreams that one day she will return to me. Tell me she loves me that I am hers and she is mine. I sit and think about all the plans we made for when it is our time and I cry, I sit and think about all we have gone through and I cry, I can't stop, I have tried. Her love is forever embedded on my soul. I feel her, I breathe her, I love her. Wishing As I look out at the majestic sky As tears fall from eyes I know you and I were meant to be I only wish I could make you see How much your love means to me I wish I could walk up to you And speak the words lovers do But now I sit here sad and blue Wishing that I could be with you